A Friend's Complaint

De: Ingeborg S. Nord�n <[email protected]> Para: Jordsvin <[email protected]> Cc: [email protected] <[email protected]>; Tyrdis <[email protected]>; Octavio Augusto Okimoto Alves de Carvalho <[email protected]>
Topic: Response to more Draugspam Data: Friday, 10 November, 2000 R.E. 06:34 PM

Greetings, everyone!

I just posted the message below to a discussion board where people comment on "glurge" (soppy inspirational messages a la "Chicken Soup for the Soul") seen around the Net. Enjoy!

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This one arrived via a mailing list. Don't skip to the bottom or you'll spoil the surprise.

Friend,

As you got up this morning, I watched you, and hoped you would talk to me, even if it was just a few words, asking my opinion or thanking me for something good that happened in your life yesterday.

But I noticed you were too busy, trying to find the right outfit to wear. When you ran around the house getting ready, I knew there would be a few minutes for you to stop and say hello, but you were too busy.

At one point you had to wait, fifteen minutes with nothing to do except sit in a chair. Then I saw you spring to your feet. I thought you wanted to talk to me but you ran to the phone and called a friend to get the latest gossip instead.

I watched patiently all day long. With all your activities I guess you were too busy to say anything to me. I noticed that before lunch you looked around, maybe you felt embarrassed to talk to me, that is why you didn't bow your head. You glanced three or four tables over and you noticed some of your friends talking to me briefly before they ate, but you didn't.

That's okay. There is still more time left, and I hope that you will talk to me yet. You went home and it seems as if you had lots of things to do. After a few of them were done, you turned on the TV. I don't know if you like TV or not, just about anything goes there and you spend a lot of time each day in front of it not thinking about anything, just enjoying the show.

I waited patiently again as you watched the TV and ate your meal, but again you didn't talk to me. Bedtime I guess you felt too tired.

After you said goodnight to your family you plopped into bed and fell asleep in time. That's okay because you may not realize that I am always there for you. I've got patience more than you will ever know. I even want to teach you how to be patient with others as well.

I love you so much that I will wait everyday for a nod, prayer or thought or a thankful part of your heart. It is hard to have a one-sided conversation.

Well, you are getting up once again. And once again I will wait, with nothing but love for you. Hoping that today you will give me some time.

Your friend, Jesus

An Ex-Friend Response

Dear Jesus:

It is my understanding that a true friend would not let followers use his name to manipulate people into feeling guilty. A true friend would also understand that people have mundane lives, and that thinking obsessively about any given relationship is a sign of poor mental health. And any person with an ounce of decency and common sense can understand why I broke off our friendship eight years ago: my new friends apparently worked through their co-dependency issues a millennium ago, at latest. I certainly do not treat them as you accuse me of treating you...

If you persist in inspiring your misguided followers to send me similar messages, I fear that I will have to ask a few of my new friends to issue a restraining order. (Does the name Tyr sound familiar to you?)

Sincerely yours,

Ingeborg S. Nord�n, Clergy-in-Training Samfundet f�r den Forna Seden USA

---- Ingeborg S. Nord�n ([email protected])

Ek Ingwibergo stabaz fahi�o